Girth A one act dramedy
A 50-something woman is about to undergo a rather personal medical procedure and her new 40-something boyfriend is not sure how he feels about it - as if it's any of his decision?
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JACKIE Excuse me? I have a medical concern. Plain and simple.
DOMINIC Yeah, I understand that.
JACKIE No different from your prostate exams or turn your head and cough.
DOMINIC No. A little different.
JACKIE OK. If you had pain and bleeding when you tried to have sex, what would you do?
DOMINIC I’d go to the doctor to see what they can do to fix it.
JACKIE Exactly. That’s what I’m doing. There shouldn’t be a double standard.
DOMINIC Yeah, but is it necessary?
JACKIE What are you saying? Oh. I see. I’m not allowed to do this?
DOMINIC That’s not what I’m saying.
JACKIE Or I’ll become a cougar or something? Wow. Anything past what would be considered normal vaginal health...?
DOMINIC “Normal vaginal health”?
JACKIE It’s a body part.
DOMINIC Yeah, I know. I just never heard that term before.
JACKIE Then you’re getting an education today, aren’t you? That’s another thing. Nicknames for a part of my body that should be referred to like any other.
DOMINIC OK. I’m sorry!
JACKIE Accepted. As I was saying, anything past what would be considered normal vaginal health makes me into a slut or something?
DOMINIC No.
JACKIE Really?
DOMINIC No!
JACKIE Then why are you implying that I would be seeing someone else?
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Mothafckers: Tales of Modern Greek
The interweaving lament of Eurydice's Mother, Timber Standing, an old and wise tree who bears witness to the contemporary Greek tragedies of
Oedipus House, where a biracial son is trying to find himself despite his overbearing mother,
Not Discussing Phaedra, what happened to the remaining family of the apparent murder / suicide,
and She Was Golden Before You Touched Her, how a selfish and abusive man, now dying of cancer, had tainted the golden days of a young woman similar to the King Midas story.
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JOCELIN, 40s, casual clothing, apron, cutting vegetables in a chef like rhythm, is addressing ROSE, 30s, casual clothing, standing next to the chopping block. They are in mid-conversation.
JOCELIN ....I’ll probably have to go back to court next month anyway because my son has no balls.
ROSE Excuse me?
JOCELIN My son has no balls! Roy has to make up his mind if he wants to be with me or the ex .
ROSE You mean his dad...?
JOCELIN Yes. Catch up, will ya?! He’s thirteen. The law says he has to chose. Who he wants to be with. Roy has to emancipate himself. He has to stand up and declare himself.
ROSE I see.
JOCELIN Now we have this crazy schedule. The stupidest thing ever. And whenever that child does come home, his homework is never done.
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This comedy was a semi-finalist winner for the National Playwrights Conference at the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center and long-listed for Theatre503's Playwriting Award by examining the troubling aspects of reality shows, the seduction of fame and who it profits.
While we see the exploitation that Betts, the reality show producer, had inflicted on the extended family intent to win the Shark Tank like show, we also see the hilarious and heartbreaking manipulation that the family inflicts on each other as they grapple with the contemporary issues of addiction, surrogacy and sex work.
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Scene Two - A knock on the front door. JEDD, 30s, business casual, straightens his clothes, and opens the door to reveal, his very toned brother AARON, late 20s, with an overnight suitcase.
AARON Brother, mine!
JEDD Oh, for fuck’s sake.
AARON Now that any way to talk to kin?
JEDD News travels fast.
AARON Bad travels faster. But this is... Ain’t ya gonna ask me in?
Jedd motions. Aaron steps in. Jedd slams the door. Momma screeches from offstage.
MOMMA (OFF STAGE) I can hear it ain't no woman! Who's that now?
JEDD It's Aaron, Momma.
MOMMA (OFF STAGE) Aaron? What he want?
JEDD I don't know.
MOMMA (OFF STAGE) Tell 'em we're outta money!
JEDD I think you just done that.
AARON Lookey here. Same old trailer park. Same old place.
MOMMA (OFF STAGE) You tell that boy we ain't got nothin' more he can pawn.
AARON I don't need nothin' like that, Momma! I need a piss.